I sit here with my music on and my candles lit (yes, giving up the perfect Martha Stewart house and actually using them). I sit here wanting to share with each and every one of you what is on my heart. Some may think I share too much; but it is who I am and I am not going to change that part of me. I like the fact that I am an “open book” and that those who are in my life, that love me and value me, will get to be a part of this crazy journey I am on. Some of you probably view me as stubborn, crazy, full of life, loud, opinionated, and goofy and things I would probably be amazed to hear. I am all of these and more. But very importantly, I am also just a girl who in spite of herself, is learning to love herself, to accept nothing but the best.
I found myself in a place today that left me bewildered of sorts. I personally set a bench mark a little over 3 months ago; I guess you can say I established “my bottom line”. And today for whatever reasons, some old habits, some old thoughts came flooding back in like a tsunami. Maybe it is nothing more than being tired and thus, my defenses were down. For whatever the reasons, I allowed myself to feel them just ever so briefly, to taste the bitterness of all the hurt, so that I may know and remind myself that it is the sweetness I desire. I am in the middle of a war, of the old Anne and the new. So what do I do now? I do what makes me happy. I am learning that selfishness is not to be perceived as a negative. Rather, self-interest is absolutely a positive. I am learning to cut some pretty tough strings out of my life. Sometimes that means people, and/or situations that may have brought me positive things. However, if they/it are ultimately cloaked in negativity- I must choose “me”. And sometimes, that means me- the old me. I have a long way to go but I also know that every journey starts with one single step. I know that in order for me to want to change the things in this world that I am not happy with, I must first start with me. (F.L.Y.)
So the lesson I learned today, that I am eternally grateful for: “You should always expect the things that you accept.” I am working on becoming the woman, the mother, the lover, the best Anne I know I can be. This journey is teaching me to release those “the people, the hurts” completely, so that I may release me freely. I am thankful for all of you who encourage me, uplift me, support me in pursuing my dreams, and inspire me to be better!
❤ & light